The title, a spin on a cheesy pickup line from the 1970s, is our theme: connecting the common characteristics of people’s astrological signs with the wines that best match those characteristics.
Aquarians are known for being creative and unconventional. In light of that, we are going to assign Retsina from Greece as their official wine because the Greeks creatively solved the problem of keeping wine from spoiling by adding pine pitch — and its flavor is definitely unconventional.
Pisces are very social and love being surrounded by people, making sparkling wines the easy choice. There is no better wine for celebrating with a group.
Aries are typically independent, generous and friendly. As such, they are the human version of Zinfandel because there is no vino more independent. It is officially America’s wine with its always generous fruit and typically friendly price point.
Have you ever met a Taurus who wasn’t stubborn? I think not. So, Petit Sirah is now their official wine mascot because there is hardly a grape with more stubborn tannin structure that matches its bold fruit.
They are the human version of Zinfandel because there is no vino more independent.
Geminis famously have several projects going at any one time. What better wine to match that multifaceted style than port, which can legally have more than 100 different grapes involved? Although many producers use far fewer, there are definitely old-vine vineyards and classic producers that have scores of varieties in their wines.
Being a Cancer, I choose to highlight one of our best characteristics: the ability to adapt. Because extremely fresh and vibrant Sauvignon Blancs from New Zealand and rich oak-aged versions from Bordeaux are extremely adaptable to all occasions, I hereby crown us the “Sauvignon Blancs on two feet.”
With Leos we are just going straight to the lion as the big, golden, king of the jungle. Look no farther than Chardonnay, which is usually made in a big and golden style and enjoys royal status.
Virgos are perfectionists, precise and with great focus. Chablis is all about precision and focus with a single mission of crisp and crunchy versions of Chardonnay that focus on tart, fruit flavors and minerality.
Libra represents the scales of balance and German Rieslings are known for their ability to beautifully balance sweet fruit with laser-like acidity.
Capricorns are perfectly happy on their own, so we will celebrate isolated rogue wines, such as excellent dessert wines made by our neighbors to the north in British Columbia’s Okanagan Valley — yummy stuff.
Sagittarians love an adventure and are always ready to try new things and Scorpios are famous for thinking outside the box. Let’s use them as an inspiration to try wines we have never tried before.
That’s a great note on which to end — and begin anew — our astrological wine journey.